Emotion-FULL Living with Dr. Rosellini
You are only human, and it is okay to have a sad feeling. You are not crazy. Find out what that feeling is telling you. It is interesting to learn that once we are able to let ourselves experience just a little bit of that feeling we are scared of, we often feel relieved to have opened up to it.
People are funny when it comes to talking about emotions. Some thrive on talking about them, some maybe talk too much about them, others rarely open up, some hate them, and for some they might be a completely foreign concept. I am here today to talk about why emotions are important and the power in acknowledging and accepting emotions, even the “bad” ones.
Emotions are real. They are natural. They signal what may be going right or wrong in our lives.
They help us connect with others. They motivate us to act. Bottom line, they are an essential part of the human experience. Unfortunately, a lot of us don’t always have the best relationships with our emotions. I mean we all want the positive emotions like love, happiness, joy, and passion. Who wouldn’t?! They are the best.
But the negative ones, holy moly, no way we want those. Feelings like pain, sadness, anxiety, fear, jealousy, hate, anger, and shame come to mind. Ugh! Even reading them off creates associated feelings for me. Those we often shun and avoid at all cost.
When I feel anxious, let’s say before a major presentation, I often think to myself “just stop it!” or “go away,” constantly wanting to get rid of the fear and worry. I even start to berate myself and say “what is wrong with you?” or “you are being ridiculous.” But feelings have utility, and the anxiety is important as it motivates me to present in the first place, and shows that I care.
If I am sad I might think, “just get over it” or “be strong.” Then I feel even worse because trying to control emotions does not make them go away. But the sadness I feel helps show me what is meaningful or lacking in my life. It has a purpose.
I remember one person saying to me they wished emotions were like chemical compounds because then he could break down the negative emotions and destroy them. Without the negative emotions, though, would we truly feel or identify the positive ones?
By numbing or suppressing negative emotions we also numb the positive ones as well.
Negative and positive emotions are two sides of the same coin. I love the movie “Inside Out” because it demonstrates so well the import, double-sided nature of emotions.
Shame is a weird emotion because when I feel shame regarding a situation, I usually avoid it at all costs, leading to expressing it via anger or frustration. Have you ever done anything like that? I think we all do it from time to time. We bottle all the “bad stuff” up and shove it somewhere we hope no one sees. Walking around trying to be “on” and showing that we have it together. While this can be useful at times, it also takes its toll and is ultimately not sustainable.
It has taken me a long time (and I am still learning) how to be okay with having these negative emotions. It is so uncomfortable to have them and truly let yourself experience that shame, or sadness, or whatever it is you are feeling. But if you try to get rid of feelings, or avoid them, not only are you not getting rid of it, you are denying a natural part of yourself and the problem often time gets bigger. Research even points to the real, harmful effects of avoiding and suppressing aversive emotion (e.g. Campbell-Sills et al., 2006; Ben-Naim et al., 2013).
Yet this suppression happens all the time. And why? Because emotions can hurt (and can be annoying)! If we are a child or even an adult, and tell our parent about something exciting or sad that happened, and we are dismissed or ignored, that hurts! And we might think, “ohhh I don’t like that feeling, there is no way I am going to share how I really feel next time.”
Now fast forward several years. This person may have generalized this mentality and now feels uncomfortable being authentic. They may distance themselves from others to protect themselves, but end up not knowing who they are or what they really want. This may be an exaggeration but it captures what might happen when we try to cut ourselves off from emotions, particularly sharing emotional vulnerability.
Another example might relate to social anxiety. Let’s say you are a freshman in college, meeting new people and really trying to fit in and make friends. At lunch, you are hanging up with a group of friends talking about favorite music. You bring up a band you know of, and everyone laughs and says that “they suck.” That might not feel so good, and it might make us a little more anxious in the next social situation. This time, we decide to avoid that emotion by removing ourselves from the group of friends (maybe by saying, “I have homework to do”), being agreeable, or not saying anything (despite having things to say).
While our anxiety might be curbed in the short term through this avoidance tactic, it makes us more anxious in each following situation and makes us more likely to avoid again, despite our hopes to connect with others and fit in.
Now I am not saying we should all just get obscenely angry, anxious, jealous and sad all the time and let our emotions overcome us. Or that we should walk around like an open wound or dwell forever in an emotion.
Being able to acknowledge what emotion is there, allowing it to be there, and embracing it as part of us connects us further with ourselves and leads to a better understanding of what might be going on internally.
Sharing emotional vulnerability with others also connects us with them in a powerful way (read any of Brene Brown for more information! She is a vulnerability guru). Next time you are sad or anxious, and you want to avoid that feeling, my challenge to you would be to:
Acknowledge what feeling is coming up.
Write it down or talk about it with someone.
Accept that it is there.
You are only human, and it is okay to have a sad feeling. You are not crazy. Find out what it is telling you. It is interesting to learn that once we are able to let ourselves experience just a little bit of that feeling we are scared of, we often feel relieved to have opened up to it.
I don’t want to ignore the good feelings either. It is okay to be happy and have a lot of good feelings! You deserve them. However, the common advice of “just be happy” goes too far and might not be useful.
Emotions naturally come and go. Forcing it does not usually work. Sometimes we are happy, sometimes not. That is normal. I like the idea of the weather as a metaphor for emotions (Read Pema Chodron for more on this >>). Sometimes it is rainy, sometimes sunny, sometimes there are thunderstorms! So whatever you feel, allow yourself to accept it. Only you have the power to do that. And you will feel a lot more authentic and like yourself if you take that risk.
How do you think you will incorporate emotion-full living into your life today? Leave a comment or email me at barrymorerosellinipsyd@gmail.com I'd love to hear from you!
Mindfully,
Barrymore Rosellini, PsyD, Licensed Psychologist
“The master observes the world but trusts his inner vision. He allows things to come and go. His heart is open as the sky.”
— LAO TZU, TAO TE CHING (STEPHEN MITCHELL TRANSLATION)
Mindful Eating
One thing I hear a lot from clients is that they know they should eat more veggies, drink more water and avoid overly fried sugary foods but for some reason they just can’t seem to stick with it. They have good intentions but cave when a sugar craving hits at 3:00pm or they get a surge of hunger after restricting calories all day, or they overeat after a particularly stressful day at work. Becoming mindful around how we eat and the food we put into our bodies is the missing link here that doesn’t get a lot of mainstream attention.
I recently gave a talk at the hospital I work at about the topic of mindful eating. The talk was a hit and loads of people came up to ask questions after the event which is always my favorite part. One woman came up to me and said how she appreciated the information so much because she has heard a lot about what to eat but has never learned how to eat.
You might be all, yeah I know how to eat CHRISTINA, it’s a basic human instinct and I’ve been doing it for 30+ years! And judging by my waistline or credit card bill I’m super good at it! But really focusing on the way in which we put food into our bodies is a totally revolutionary concept and I’ll tell you why it’s the key to everything.
One thing I hear a lot from clients is that they know they should eat more veggies, drink more water and avoid overly fried sugary foods but for some reason they just can’t seem to stick with it. They have good intentions but cave when a sugar craving hits at 3:00pm or they get a surge of hunger after restricting calories all day, or they overeat after a particularly stressful day at work.
We’re smart people! We get it! Eat your veggies! Drink green juice! But for some reason it seems like we have to be nutritional geniuses with personal chefs to be able to sustainably eat in a healthy way.
Becoming mindful around how we eat and the food we put into our bodies is the missing link here that doesn’t get a lot of mainstream attention.
Eating mindfully means paying attention, on purpose, to what you’re eating and how it makes you feel.
Did you scarf down your sandwich in front of your computer today before you even realized it was gone? If you did, you’re in good company because so many of us are guilty of this. (When I asked the room this question during my talk almost every single hand in a room of 60+ people went up). This is an example of not eating in a mindful way.
When we are distracted and overly stressed we are more likely to succumb to cravings, overeat, and eat whatever is put in front of us no matter how it’s going to make us feel. Also, when our stress response is activated our body is not properly setup to digest and absorb our food. When our sympathetic nervous system is activated we are ready to run away from a predator, not sit and digest a lovely meal.
One way to start tuning into the connection between what we put into our bodies and how we feel is to do a 3-Day Food Diary that you can download here >>
Once we start to pay attention to how food makes us feel and what our bodies are asking for in the present moment, we can move away from external sources of information (which can often times be conflicting and confusing) and rely on our own internal sense of perception.
What a relief.
If you want some more guidance feel free to email me or click the button below to book in a free 30 minute discovery session to chat about how to achieve total food freedom.
Mindfully,
Christina Tidwell, MN, RN, CHC
Relieve Stress at Work with Audrey Sutton
The most inspired yoga teacher and soul-seeker I know, Audrey Sutton of Your Blissful Soul , has shared a video on chair yoga poses you can do at work, on a plane or anywhere you're sitting down! It sounds totally old lady you guys (think Sit and Be Fit) but it's so awesome, and is an easy and practical way to move your body, reduce head to toe tension, and relieve stress in your every day life.
© Blissful Soul
Most of my clients are busy people. They are raising families, working full-time, starting businesses, and caring for family members. One thing they all have in common though, is the desire to improve their health and thrive (rather than juts survive) this one little life.
That's why I need to give them tips and tricks on how to incorporate small, gradual shifts into their everyday lives for to set them up for success. Often times people think it's "all or nothing." That you have to be eating strictly Paleo and slogging it out at the gym every day to be "healthy" or "perfect."
Really though, sustainable change is made when when stick to small but powerful daily practices. I swear! This can be simply drinking more water, eating more greens, remembering to breathe, and going on a lunch time walk.
Sure, it would be great to all quit our jobs and move to Bali and subsist on fresh coconut and smoothie bowls and do yoga every day but for right, now, that's not everyone's reality. SO, we do what we can to create space in our bodies and minds especially if we sit for a living.
The most inspired yoga teacher and soul-seeker I know, Audrey Sutton of Your Blissful Soul , has shared a video on chair yoga poses you can do at work, on a plane or anywhere you're sitting down. It sounds totally old lady (think Sit and Be Fit but way more hip) but it's so awesome, and is an easy and practical way to move your body, reduce head to toe tension, and relieve stress in your every day life.
Let us know if you try it out at work by leaving a comment or emailing! Also, I love Audrey's Saturday morning class at Bala Yoga in Seattle, see ya there?
Audrey Sutton is a Bliss Coach and author who writes about how to be whole, passionate, free, and live the life of your dreams. She teaches Power Vinyasa, Yin and Meditation classes, and she has created and hosted a wide range of workshops, retreats, yoga teacher trainings, and online videos that help people live more fulfilled, blissful and abundant lives. As a yoga teacher and bliss coach, she helps her students release the Kung-fu grip of their inner critic, connect to their True Self, discover their Dharma, and create their personal legacy.
Curry Chicken Salad
It's springtime (sort of) here in Seattle and all I want are big, giant salads full of fresh veggies that I can whip up really fast after work. I've been making this one on repeat so I had to share it with you! It's really easy and sooooo good.
It's springtime (sort of) here in Seattle and all I want are big, giant salads full of fresh veggies that I can whip up really fast after work. I've been making this one on repeat so I had to share it with you! It's really easy and sooooo good. I buy a pre-roasted rotisserie chicken from my local grocery store and use that meat to shred up and toss into my salads for some good protein. If you don't have much time after work this is a really good option. I hope you enjoy it!
Curry Chicken Salad
Ingredients
1 bag Trader Joes Cruciferous Crunch greens (or greens of your choice)
1/2 cucumber, chopped
1/2 cup cilantro (leaves)
1 pre-cooked rotisserie chicken (or any protein of your choice)
1/2 can full-fat coconut milk
1⁄4 cup raw cashews
1⁄4 cup raw almond butter
1⁄2 tablespoon curry powder
1⁄2 lime, juiced
Salt and pepper to taste
Directions
For the dressing (inspired by my friend and fellow health coach Amanda Pickering)
Blend the coconut milk, almond butter, cashews, curry powder and lime juice until creamy.
For the salad
Pour the bag of cruciferous greens into a large salad bowl. Drizzle with olive oil and massage until leaves are tender (This helps to make it softer and easier to chew).
Throw in chopped cucumber and cilantro. Shred chicken and toss in bite sized pieces. Pour dressing over (may not need all of it, use to your tastes) and toss to combine. Add salt and pepper to taste.
Want some more fresh food inspiration? Click the button below to get my free 5-Day Clean Eating Meal Plan that takes all the guess work out of what to eat for the week.
You'll get recipes, a shopping list and daily instructions for what to make. TOO EASY! I really hope you enjoy xx
With Love,
Christina Tidwell, MN, RN, CHC