Why it's not possible to "fix" another person
Someone said to me recently, “I’ve found so much relief and joy from learning how to take care of myself, using food as fuel and living in an intentional way. I feel frustrated, though, that my husband and family aren’t on the same page. I see so many people around me that could benefit from making some of the changes I have, and I just want to be able to help them! What should I do?”
I thought this was such a good question that many of us grapple with. When I was first learning about how to use diet and lifestyle shifts to improve my health and wellbeing 15 years ago it was totally revolutionary. I would have shouted this from the rooftops and spoken about it to anyone who would listen. I did, in fact, speak about it to anyone who would listen haha. I would hear someone was struggling with something I knew I could help, and I’d give them my suggestions and a plan even if they didn't ask for it. I thought I was helping.
I have since learned through life experience and working with hundreds of clients that, actually, you cannot fix another person outside of yourself.
I’ll say it again…
You cannot fix another person.
Even if you love them and want the best for them.
Even if you have all the right answers and can really help.
Furthermore, it’s not your responsibility to do so.
True healing and ownership of self has to come from that person themselves.
Of course this doesn’t mean that you can’t give suggestions, and recommend books or practices that have helped you, but unless that person is ready and willing to change themselves, your efforts will be in vain and maybe even unwelcome.
One thing that’s critically important is assessing readiness for change, which is something I do with all of my coaching clients. I connect with that person, understand where they are at, and meet them there. If I were to meet them where I think they should be, or where I want them to be, it simply doesn’t work.
I used to think the most loving thing would be to encourage change until it happened. What I’ve come to realize is that it’s not actually very loving to force change on someone or expect change from someone who is not ready. The most loving thing is to meet that person where they are at and be there with them, ready to support.
Healing is a completely personal journey and everyone moves through it at very different times. We have to honor those around us as separate persons or entities, take responsibility for ourselves, and meet others where they are at.
The #1 thing you can do if those around you aren’t on the same path as you is lead by example.
When others see that you have more energy, a clearer mind, and feel more comfortable in your body they will be more inclined to say, “I’ll have what she’s having!” There is always a ripple effect when one person in a family or circle begins to live more intentionally and care for themselves in a different way, and it spreads around to others. Those that are looking for change or a new path forward will take note and reach out when it feels right for them.
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If we haven't met before, I'm Christina Tidwell, founder and owner of Live Well with Christina. I'm so excited that you're here and have begun to delve into your health and wellness journey! Here at Live Well we help people with autoimmune disease take control of their health through nutrition, lifestyle shifts and personal empowerment.
If you suffer from:
Fatigue and energy crashes
Brain fog
Poor digestion
Symptoms of autoimmunity
Stress and overwhelm
...and aren't getting the support you need, I can help guide you through the scope of 1:1 health and nutrition coaching.
Health coaching is a necessary extension of the health care system in that together we have more time to uncover issues, implement strategies and assess outcomes together to help you make sustainable and lasting changes. I offer accountability, knowledgeable guidance and most importantly support.
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